When you start dating someone new and your relationship progresses, you’re probably going to receive various pieces of advice and opinions from the people in your life. Most of the things people will tell you will probably be coming from a place of total love and good intentions, but once in a while, you might hear things that don’t sound so loving. Here are few pieces of “advice” that you should never take to heart or let determine your feelings about your relationship.
“Meeting people online never really works out.” If someone is seriously telling you that you can’t meet someone amazing on a dating app, disregard them immediately. Most relationships nowadays begin online and some couples who met on a dating app may have never crossed paths otherwise. The person who tells you this is probably speaking from experience having not had any luck themselves with dating sites. Don’t let someone else’s pessimism keep you from trying something that could lead you to the love of your life!
“You’re out of their league.” This has to be one of the most wrong things that a friend or family member can say to you regarding your relationship. Whether they’re stating that you’re out of your partner’s league or the opposite that your partner is out of your league and you’re lucky that you got them, it’s inappropriate and hurtful. This whole idea of ‘leagues’ and who’s above who is just completely ridiculous and untrue. As long as your partner is treating you with respect and love and you’re happy with them, that’s all that matters.
“It’s too soon for you to be moving on.” Many of your friends and family might think that if you just got out of a relationship and are already seeing someone new that you shouldn’t be moving on so quickly. Some people need a lot of time after a breakup before they start dating again. Some people prefer to put themselves back out there right away. Just because you just out of a relationship doesn’t mean that you can’t meet your soul mate quickly after.
“Are you sure you want to take on that baggage?” Another annoying opinion that someone in your life might hit you with is commenting on any sort of past or complicated life that your new partner might have. Everyone has a past and everyone has things in their life that they’re dealing with as best as they can. When you care for someone, their past and the things they’ve been through don’t matter to you. You love and accept the person you’re with regardless of where they might’ve come from.
“They don’t seem like the commitment type.” Your friends and family might like to think that they know your partner better than you do but they don’t and they don’t have a right to assume anything about your person. Just because the person you’ve been dating hasn’t had many long-term relationships in the past doesn’t mean that they haven’t wanted them and certainly doesn’t mean that they’ve failed at them. It’s possible that their old relationships just didn’t work out or that they just haven’t met anyone they want to commit to like that.
“You spend way too much time together. You’re too clingy.” This is another opinion that is completely subjective to a person’s individual feelings and should never be given to someone else. Every couple feels differently about time spent together. Some couples need their space and alone time and enjoy having social lives outside of their relationships. Other couples are inseparable and prefer to be together as much as possible. If you and your partner are happiest when you’re together, don’t let anyone make you feel like it’s wrong or that you’re together too much.
“They have a past. I wouldn’t trust them.” This piece of advice is difficult to process at times because honestly if you’re in a relationship with someone who has done unsavory things in their past whether they’ve cheated on partners, been unkind, or anything else that may have left them with a checkered past, the people in your life who care about you believe that they’re protecting you by warning you about them. The thing is though, you need to make your own decisions about the people that you choose to date and you get to decide if this person is someone that you can trust and someone that you want to give a chance to. People make mistakes and turn their lives around every day. Others are entitled to their opinions but it’s up to you whether or not you want to try to make this relationship work.
“You should be with someone who has their life figured out.” There are a lot of people out there who exclusively look for relationships with people who seem to have it all figured out. Maybe they’ve got a successful career. Maybe they have a lot of financial success. Maybe they’re just really responsible and have a pretty clear blueprint for how they want their life to go. Some people crave security in romantic relationships and that’s what they want above all and that’s perfectly fine but the idea of having everything figured out is less important to some people. Life is crazy and complicated and hard and we’re all just doing the best that we can, stumbling around and learning as we go. If you meet someone that you truly love and care for but they’re still figuring out what they want to do with their life and who they want to be, who cares? You can be there with them on that journey and the two of you will learn together.
“You can’t possibly know that you’re in love already.” This is one of the most obnoxious things someone can say about another person’s relationship and it means nothing. Every relationship is unique and therefore every relationship moves at a different speed. Just because you have a friend who waited a year to say ‘I love you’ to their partner or didn’t get engaged until they’d been together for several years, doesn’t mean that you have to do the same. You want to say I love you after a week of dating? Why not? You feel ready to get engaged after a couple of months? Go for it! As long as you’re being true to your feelings and you and your partner are happy, tune everyone else out. When you know, you know.
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